“There is no balance,” he says “I am giving you one year. You need to be making $150,000 and I’m going to quit my job and do nothing and fuck everything up”
it goes on…
“What have you accomplished.? Tell me one thing!? “
I look around the garage at an array of creative projects emerging, including the larger than life painting of a girl and her jump rope that spans 2 -10’ panels which to me, are quite stunning. Especially, considering it came from the free panels of wood I found yesterday on the side of the road.
Ten smaller paintings stacked around on the floor.
I look to the sculpture that sits on my desk, adorned with feathers, shells, paint and other found objects like a heart made of stone.
I call her a Wisdom Goddess, and envision the blank figures beside her, which I see summoned by others where I will intuitively create the expression that reflects their raw truths and core purpose.
I glance over to the bins and baskets and drawers spilling open pouring out words that fill journals with notes, sketches, visions and other data collected for something I am “obviously” building.
In front of me on my computer screen a zillion tabs open; one nearly finished web design project, my web design project, a parenting forum trying to grasp how to deal with my 5 year old’s sassy mouth, a few tabs of ‘how to’s’ on random things, and even a Craigslist tab where I was perusing the help wanted ads, and another one where I am posting things “for sale” and “help wanted” ads too.
*nope. Facebook was not one of them.
I turn to look back up at him. And respond,
“Nothing.”
I choose to sit quiet in my knowing, yet desperately yearning for recognition of the “obvious.”
Does this equate to insecurity?
Or, maybe just lazy?
I am not up to the task of enduring a long-winded, emotional and most always, off-point “conversation.” The path I’ve come to know all too well, and rarely leads anywhere.
The one that ends with him telling me Einstein’s definition of insanity. ( LOL)
You wish I could tell you, with assurance, exactly when and what is the result.
Haven’t we learned we can’t really control the future nor the outcome?
I wish for the magic of allowing the result to emerge from the process, syncronicity..faith, that our needs will be met, was more comonly recognized and understood.
Q 